Need for Approval

The external center

Most people do not live their own lives. They perform a life for an audience.

The Performer mechanism is the result of believing that your worth is something that must be granted by others. You outsource your center of gravity. You scan the room, the internet, and your relationships, looking for the signal that says, "You are okay."

The distortion

This need creates a distortion field. You cannot see reality; you can only see how reality affects your standing.

You do not ask, "Is this true?"

You ask, "Will this be liked?"

You do not ask, "What do I want to build?"

You ask, "What will be impressive?"

This distortion makes it impossible to be a sovereign creator. You are not building a body of work; you are building a defense against criticism.

The beggar

The Performer is a beggar. No matter how much applause, money, or status you acquire, the bowl has a hole in it.

Validation is a temporary drug. It numbs the pain of your own self-rejection for a moment, but it wears off. You immediately need another hit. You become a slave to the people who dispense the drug.

The exit

Freedom is the ability to be disliked.

It is the realization that the opinion of another person is just a thought in their head. It has no mass. It has no energy. It cannot touch you.

When you kill the Performer, you become dangerous. You say what is true, not what is safe. You build what is needed, not what is popular. You move through the world without looking back to see who is clapping.

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The cost of performing: Fear of Visibility

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