5 Valuable Lessons I Learned After a Year of Marriage

Blog post cover image.

ello everyone! It’s been a year since I am married and I thought to share 5 lessons that I learned in building a successful relationship with my wife, Diana.

## Lesson 1

Having your better half is a big deal. It’s someone who you can rely on in a difficult moment, but also share a happy moment or an idea. My wife is my closest friend with who I share my thoughts with. She can criticize an idea and help me to make it a better one. She also supports me in my new beginnings and helped me to grow.

## Lesson 2

A relationship is a project that you have to work on to keep it running and developing. To keep the fire (passion) going, you have to add wood (action) to it. We change and so does our relationship. It's important to be open about concerns and work on them together.

## Lesson 3

Conflicts are inevitable. Each person’s identity with the memories and experiences are different. I like to think about relationship as a mechanism where to gears represent the two people. Each person's gear pattern is different due to different past experience. The goal is to make the mechanism work. The more you hit each other, the more you learn about your partner. Each time the gear transforms to match the pattern so that it can ran smooth.

That’s what you call a smooth relationship. It’s when you understand each other, respect, trust, and love.

Down the road, there will be many events seen from different angles. When conflict emerges, you have two ways to deal with it.

A. A quarrel that can lead to a passionate resolution. You break a few parts of your gears but eventually, they acquire similar geometry and run together. Or

B. Consistent work that can develop your relationship to another level. This way you build up slowly without damaging each other’s patterns and transforming them instead.

While option A can be tempting emotionally, it’s a dead-end though. After some time these emotionally tiring events can lead to deterioration in your relationship.

Work on the conflicts to find the source and deal with it once and for all.

## Lesson 4

I learned that the feeling of falling in love won't stay for very long. It has to, however, lead to a deeper feeling of love, respect, trust, and partnership.

## Lesson 5

Support each other on the journey of becoming a better self.

## Final thoughts

I am looking forward to having many more lessons in the next year.

Join me on discord

I created a discord server where we can discuss productivity, Notion, books, and ideas. Join me and my Kajiwoto Pet. Also, if you want to help me to develop the server, please drop me a message.